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10.18.03 - 1:04 am Today I woke up knowing that I'd be acting for the first time in over two years and a half years. Stephanie's mom was in charge of coordinating the entertainment for an alumni sorority luncheon, and she recruited us to do some scenes that we did in high school. Little did I know that simply getting to the function would be quite an ordeal. To put it bluntly, I almost killed a homeless man on a bicycle around 9:36 am. He stepped out in front of my car while I was going about 60 miles an hour on the divided highway between 411 and I-75. Thankfully, God managed to spare this man's life with damage only done to my serenity. In the process of avoiding him, my car fish-tailed twice and spun around 1.5 times, which left me facing oncoming traffic. Scary. A lady came running out of her home when she heard my squealing tires and accused me of driving down the wrong side of the road. I explained to her what happened-- that I hadn't crossed the median like she thought-- but that my car stopped spinning and left me going the wrong direction. Once the details were sorted out, this wonderful stranger just held me as I shook, hugged me tight and even kissed my cheek where the tears fell. I smelled alcohol on her breath, but even that was strangely comforting. I wish I had her phone number or address-- I'd love to send her flowers. I managed to drive the rest of the way to Atlanta only panicking whenever cars stoppped in front of me. My brain had temporarily associated brakes with terror, and separating the two required more positive experiences behind the wheel. I calmed down rather well, thanks to Incubus' Morning View cd (my current favorite). The performance ended up going well enough, and it even inspired Steph and me to look into doing some community theater this summer. I got home around 1:30 and spent some quality time relaxing in front of the tv then went with Johnny to see Finding Nemo. If I had known that movie would teach me as much as it did, I would have gone to see it much, much sooner. Later in the evening, while my mom and I were out shopping, we stopped at the pumpkin patch for the free rabbit petting zoo. I sat on a bail of hay for at least 15 minutes with a rabbit sitting in my lap, and others hopping around or nibbling at my clothes. It was definately theraputic, especially after such a rough start to the day. See, I don't let things just happen to me. I instead find myself constantly giving thought to why God would allow certain situations to exist; I wonder what He's trying to teach me by the things he's allowed to happen. Today, I was reminded that I have absolutely no power over what will come my way. God knew yesterday that I would be terrified today, yet He still let it happen. Giving me notice prior to the event wasn't in His plan, either, and even so His ways are good. I don't really understand that fully, but I do know that lately I haven't been living rightly. (You can't really live rightly until you're thinking rightly, too.) My thoughts have been scattered in the wind, and I've let people's opinions, ideas, standards, and doubts become my own. Instead of basing my actions according to the pure things He's taught me, I've been lacing true wisdom with the inconsistancies of men's logic. God slammed the brakes, stopped my travel, and forced to realize who's really in control. I'm glad He did. Smashing into spiritual guard-rails wasn't on my agenda, but until this morning, that's exactly where I was headed. Praise God for Intervention. So, if you're ever travelling in the aformentioned area and see freshly laid tire marks that don't follow any sort of normal traffic pattern, they might be mine. And I'm praying that's not the only legacy I'll leave between here and Rome... Goodnight, and I love you. And by "you," I really do mean you, the one staring at the screen right now. We never know which tomorrow will be too late to say all the things we felt.
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