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10.26.03 - 2:29 pm I have no words to describe what it feels like when long-existing holes in your heart are filled. I know it’s nothing I could have done for myself, so the timing was necessarily out of my control. I’ve been on a pursuit for any answers that made sense, strategies that would work, prayers that were right… and nothing but frustration ever came. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that we aren’t put on this earth to survive alone. And God doesn’t always make us complete without the help of other people—He could, of course, but it seems He’d rather show us the way so that we can support each other. God’s love for us is immeasurable. I cannot comprehend how or why He’d take my intentional errors, forgive me for them, use the consequences to teach and strengthen me, then bless me through them. It doesn’t seem the least bit fair, but then again, Love usually isn’t. My world feels right for the first time in a while. It’s as if I was given a beautiful vase—a vase that represents all of who I am and who I will become—but instead of seeing it’s worth, I thought it should be better-- that in my own strength I could make it better. In haste and impatience, I tried fixing it, only to realize I'd thrown it against a brick wall. As it shattered into a million pieces, I realized what I had done. There aren't really words to describe how painful that is, so I won't try. I’ve spent months searching for the shards and handing them over to my Maker once they were found. (Only He could right this mess I've made.) That’s gone so much better than I ever expected, but there has still been a missing fragment.... I had almost lost all hope in finding it, when God, in all His goodness, stirred in the heart of it's proprietor. I’m still fragile as are all the things around me, but finally, for the first time in ages, I feel as if I’ve been put back together and am waiting for the glue to dry. Leaky vessles have never been good at transporting Water… 40 Miles From the Sun ~ Bush
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